Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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