I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
