I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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