I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
