if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
