I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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