I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
