So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
