so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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