I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
