Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
