I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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