I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
there is glitter all over my balls
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