Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize