But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
