I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
