I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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