how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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