hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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