You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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