sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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