i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
