She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
