So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
