My hair reeks of homosexuality.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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