I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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