your parents love me but you hate me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
