Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
