so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
