where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
