Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
