Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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