just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
