Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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