Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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