They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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