do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
