Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
