Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
