$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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