the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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