I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
