If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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