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I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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