You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
