We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
