Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
