I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
