How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
