Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
