Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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