I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
