She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
