i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
even my farts smell like vagina
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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