i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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