Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo

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(971): View more from Oregon

you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?

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(435): View more from Utah

Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line

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(404): View more from Georgia

the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot

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(614): View more from Ohio

Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...

(860): View more from Connecticut

the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you

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(309): View more from Illinois

You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing

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