I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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