fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
