I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
