It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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