Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
two words...techno handjob
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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