I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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