I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
