Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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