Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
