I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
