dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i think my cat just said my name.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
