you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
