My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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