I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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