I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
